Weigh In Tonight

I am pretty sure I gained. Wine and chocolate and crappy days at work add up.

Oh well.

Success!

Last Weigh In - 145.6
Yesterday's Weigh In - 144.4
Total = -1.2
Total left to lose = 9.4

I feel really good about this loss.

Weigh In Day Day

I weigh in today and I feel excited. I think deciding to switch to meetings is a really valuable decision. Ritualizing my weigh in, in some way, while others are present, it makes it feel important, it makes it feel special.

I am so unbelievably happy right now. Anders and I have decided to do something very impulsive and buy tickets to Ecuador, we are going in two and a half weeks. We still need to buy the tickets tonight, but after that everything is in place. I got work off, he got work off and, incredibly, miraculously, we can both afford to do this right now. I am so, so excited to see my host families and get out and explore that beautiful country. We decided we want to make it adventurey so we're going to do things like hiking, white water rafting, swimming, etc. for most of the trip. Hopefully I won't gain too much there, it is actually pretty easy to make healthy choices and all of the outrageous, amazing, exotic fruits will be in season, which will keep me snacking healthfully.

Here is an adequate representation of what my trip in Ecuador will be like.



In addition to that good news is that I went to my physical therapist's office on Monday (walked there) and they noted some major improvements to my leg and went over my exercises with me. They said that Yolanda had developed an excellent routine for me and that I'm doing all the right things for my body.

Not being active for all those months really took a lot away from me. I felt disempowered, depressed and unhappy with my body and now that I'm working out again I'm feeling strong and capable and watching things change again. And now I know how I did it last time and I am going to do it again.

Ahhh, things seem too, too good.

August Goals

Here are my goals for August:

1. Make it the gym 12 times this month - I'll get $20 off my fees if I accomplish this, plus I think it's just a good goal to have.

2. Keep up my strength training twice a week - I've been able to do this so far. I really enjoy it and feel confident on the weight machines. Plus, yesterday I found a muscle I didn't have before. It is very cute and tiny and I'm excited to keep noting progress.

3. Get back on my bike - I have technically been allowed to be on for months, but for some reason I feel scared and apprehensive to ride again. It's been a year since I was told I had to stop riding and getting back on seems daunting. A lot of this is linked to my bike accident and how much I've had to think about it lately because of physical therapy. Agh. So, the first step (because I am paranoid) is making Anders look at it to make sure it is in tip-top shape before I go on my ride and schedule a very small and doable little trip with a friend so that I am accountable.

4. Do a major "spring" cleaning. My old roomate is moving out and my friend Krista is moving in. I want to finish my room, hang some pictures, put up shelving, clean out all of our closets and storage and, hopefully, get rid of a lot of junk.

5. Lose 2 lbs. I think this is doable. That would put me at 143.6.

6. Track Every Week.

7. Do my physical therapy exercises 5 times a week. These are a very easy thing to procrastinate and some weeks I am good, some weeks I am bad. 5 would be good and the days where I have no time won't make me feel so guilty.

Feeling optimistic!

Meetings.

I've decided to start doing meetings because doing it alone isn't working anymore. I went last night and I felt like I needed to be there. It was great. I weighed in at 145.6 lbs and my goal weight is set at 135 lbs. My goal is to lose .5 lbs a week because it's manageable. That way I should be at goal by January 1st. I think part of my difficulty is that I've been unrealistic about my weight loss goals and just expecting it to magically happen.

I'm proud of my progress and feel like I can commit to this. I have been working really hard at my weight lifting routine and it feels great plus I got a compliment on my tricep last weekend! Never have I ever had a compliment on any muscle. It made me feel like a stone-cold fox.

Benched- Warning: Angry post.

I am feeling really frustrated. After a really great work out Wednesday I felt so confident and strong and back on the road to recovery. The last two nights though my leg has been really, really hurting. I called my physical therapist and I've been benched. Agh! It just sucks. Feeling so empowered and then having it taken away. And it's hard for me not to feel angry- angry at my body, angry at the physical therapists who misdiagnosed me and took hundreds of my dollars and hours of my time with zero benefit. I'm starting at zero again, and although it's going better than it did the first time around, I'm not going to be all better, which was my unrealistic and very optimistic expectation.

The worst part is that my leg is a phantom malady. It isn't a specific problem but several different problems including a bad ankle, uneven hips, stiff heels, and extremely, freakishly tight muscles so it's so hard to identify what causes what pain, what to avoid. I don't know why it hurts so much today - is it the yoga I did on Tuesday, overdoing physical therapy stretches, the way I sit at work, my crappy sandals, my warm up, carrying too much at work (literally, boxes, etc), the way I slept last night?

I should probably just track the pain the way I track my points and look for patterns. Just one more thing.

Moving Weight.

Good news! Although I did not stay on track last week, it was very active with all of my activities, which must have compensated for something because in the last two weeks I lost 2.5 lbs. I am now at 145 lbs. and only 10 lbs away from goal weight. Hurrah!

One of the reasons my weigh ins are so inconsistent is because I've only been using the scale at the Uptown Y but I switch off between Uptown and Midtown frequently. My scale at home is totally crappy and will change up to 1.5 lbs within 5 minutes. How do you all weigh in?

It's been a pretty active week so far, canoing Monday, yoga Tuesday, gym today. I had some personal training sessions and developed a weight routine that I really enjoy and have actually been looking forward to all day. I went so long without feeling the pleasure of really making my body work. It's so good to be active again.

Oh, and here's a link to a recipe website that I really like and is very pretty to look at.

I think one of my goals for the weekend will be to try and make this blog a little more attractive and even develop a mission about what I need it to accomplish for me. So far it's just been a hodge podge of thoughts without any truly significant aims. I think this could be an excellent tool if I just identified how I want to use it.

Starting Over...Again.

Hello blogland,

After working way too much, eating too much, not sleeping enough, and feeling very stressed I have finished all of my events at work and feel ready to start devoting myself to weight loss the way I had before. I think I just forgot how much it actually takes to devote myself to this and I keep thinking, it should be easier if I already did it...but I really think about that time and it was the number one thing in my mind almost all the time. So, anyway, I am feeling more confident and committed to this than I have in a long time. So that's that.

Anders and I have decided to go to Ecuador over Thanksgiving and it provides a really excellent goal for losing weight and making my leg better so that we can do all of the physically demanding/amazing activities there are like mountain climbing and swimming and hiking and walking miles and miles and miles. So very excited.

On Monday we decided on a whim to go to St. Croix river. For $40 you can rent a canoe, life jackets, and get a shuttle to pick you up and take back the canoe. It was really fun and I'd highly recommend it. It was a perfect day.



Turtles are cute.


"We're canoing!"


On the shuttle home.

My goal tonight is to grocery shopping with a couple of recipes in mind and cooking and the Y tomorrow. Off to my gentle yoga class.

Up, up and away

So much has happened over the last month or two. Basically it was decided that my knee was not the problem and that the last 6 - 7 months of endless stretching, copays, and physical therapy sessions were a waste. The good news is that it was determined that the problem is my ankle and we are working to improve it. The pain has improved A LOT. I can sleep at night and don't feel like one leg weighs 100 lbs more than the other. I'm slowly easing back into exercise and have started doing personal training at the Y. I have a weight lifting routine that I really like and for the first time in ages I look forward going to the Y because I don't just have to walk slowly/backwards on the treadmill. Hurrah. I'm up to 147.5, which sucks, because that's a 7.5 lb gain since August, but considering that physically I was very limited, it makes me feel less bad. However, I feel like I'm back on the road to recovery because I finally have options again that felt like they were missing so long.

I feel like this is what I write in every blog, but I have faith that I can really hunker down and do it. I have support from Anders and my friend Maddie, I can do physical activity again, I am not so insanely busy and have time to cook, and I'm just in that place where I can say no to things.

A brownie came with my salad today and I left it on the plate. The owner of the business noticed and said "So that's how you stay so trim." It felt really good.

I do think one of my challenges is kind of feeling like I'm in it alone...I'm considering doing meetings over lunch break, but we'll see.

Here are some of my fitness goals. I'd like to get down to 135 lbs and I would like to be able to do a push up. That's right, after 8 months with no strength training or intensive cardio, I cannot even do an on my knees girl push up. I am like an unmolded lump of clay who will be carved into some sort powerful Norse God.

That's all folks.

Cleanse me. I dare you.

So after drinking too much and then eating Perkins pancakes Friday night I woke up Saturday morning feeling sick and sad and sorry for my body and took the advice of a colleague and went on a cleanse. 2 days fruits and vegetables, 2 days juice, water, or tea, 2 days fruits and veggies again. I am on day three. I supplemented the first two days by also allowing myself to have some nuts. I'm drinking water like crazy and after feeling pretty exhausted Sunday, I'm feeling better today. The craziest part is that I am not hungry. I just feel like I need a reset for my body. I've gotten back into this habit of not sleeping enough, not exercising, working too much, eating too much, go to bed and do it again. I've gained 3 lbs in the last month, which is by far my most significant gain in the last year over the shortest period of time. I just need a reset.

In other news, I have far too much work to do in a humanly possible timespan, my dad is going into surgery today to have half of his foot amputated after 15 years of infections, one of Anders consumers (he works at a group home) has been diagnosed with swine flu and Anders doesn't have health insurance and he has to be in very close proximity with them all day.

This week is going to be intense.

Hello out there

Hello my two friends in weight watcher land.

So I am getting back on the weight watchers wagon more or less. I tracked everything one week, came within my points and lost 1.5 lbs. But then fell off the wagon. This week I've been back on the wagon, tracking everything and not feeling super jazzed about how I look. I keep buying clothes but am realizing that the problem is not the clothes, it's how I feel about my body. Despite the fact that I am still 12 lbs less than I was this time last year, I do not feel good about how I look. Even when I'm losing weight, I've also been losing muscle and I can feel it. Problem is that most of the things I've been trying make my knee hurt, so I'm kind of between a rock and a hard place.

I started ignoring my body all winter and now that spring is here, I'm definitely feeling more self aware. I am going to be a copycat and make goals for this month.

1. Track everything for the month of may.
2. Try to get 10 activity points a week (I can only do low impact exercise = low activity points)
3. Try and get Yolanda in touch with physical therapist so they can outline a reasonable weight training plan. I would like to get this accomplished by next week. 5/07
4. Do better at monitoring leg pain so I can get a better idea of what's causing it.
5. See Acupuncturist for leg pain.
6. Get rid of a lot of clothing - I'm overwhelmed by all my clothing that makes me feel less than fabulous. I need to pare down my wardrobe to the things that make me feel really great. I want to try and get rid of 20 items. I think that's a good goal.
7. Buy new running shoes.
8. Cook a meal for the week every weekend.


I think these are good.

...

Oh dear.

I fell off the meltdown wagon. I had my final weigh out. I lost .6 lbs, which is basically a poop and it turns out I gained fat and I lost muscle. I was really hoping for better results because although I didn't necessarily eat well, I started biking, was walking more. Granted these were in small intervals, but I was hoping it would be a small improvement, but not a loss. I've been gaining a pound a month, more or less, since November and I say "Oh it's just a pound" but that's how I got to be where I was before and I don't want to be there again.

Sneaky feelings

I attribute my success last summer to exercising A LOT and I loved it and without that it's so hard to stay motivated, especially because I don't have the room for AP's. Blah blah blah. But I signed up for swimming lessons and I'm biking 15 minutes a day now which is a big improvement from 0.

So, I am going to try and make a food plan.

For tomorrow it will be:

Yogurt, cereal, fruit - 3 points or Egg white, english muffin, beans - 3
Apple for a morning snack - 1
Lunch - Turkey Sandwich with fat free mayo, sprouts, tomato and spinach - 4
String Cheese - 1
Yogurt - 1
Split Pea Soup with feta, English Muffin - 8 OR a Vegetarian Burrito which is
1 Beer - 3
Kashi Granola Bar: 2

Grand total: 23

Okay, that's my map to navigate through the day with a delicious bottle of beer included.

Here goes.

News

Things have felt so crazy and busy lately. To make a long story short - I got into the Leadership Institute with MNCN which I am so thrilled about and want to give a shout out to Nicole for helping me with the application process. I am looking forward to how much I will learn from this training and the opportunities it will provide to improve the work I am doing now and in the future.

I was on channel 9 news on Thursday night and it was kind of funny and embarrassing and cool because it was for the mural project and I think the kids that worked on it will be really excited to know that it got covered. Too bad some A-hole tagged it the day the news crew decided to come. Luckily I was able to get it down.

I've been having night terrors where I see people in my room or weird things flying around and I talked to a sleep specialist who said there is a chance I have sleep apnea or epilepsy. The third possibility he mentioned is that I am just so sleep deprived that when I do sleep it's so intense and moves into the deepest stage so quickly that it overwhelms my little brain. I think that's the most likely cause and a good reminder that I need to slow down a little bit. Literally almost every hour I've had in the past 2 weeks has been accounted for, and my brain is taking it's wrath on me for it.

WW has been okay....I was really good last week, weighed myself early, saw that I gained and went into my whole "Who cares anyway then?!?!" and was bad the rest of the weekend. This week is better, I'm trying to be strategic and plan carefully and drink water and doing the best I can. I also found an old picture of myself and it was a good little reminder of how far I've come and that I need to stay motivated. Check it!




I've never really looked at before and after pictures side by side. It's a good reminder as to why I need to stay on track. The doctors scale said I was 146.6 on the scale with regular clothes on. Still...scary. 6 lbs from my lowest weight. I don't want to be back at that bad feeling place again. I need to work now before I let all this progress slip through my fingers.

Me on the Right. Sara touching my boob. Oh yeah!

Here is a photo from Guerilla Gay Bar where a bunch of GLBTA folks get together and go to a non-gay bar and dance and have fun. This was taken Saturday night at Bar Abilene and I was wearing a really short skirt and the top is lowcut and I was wearing a crazy headband thing and I felt really good and confident and looking at this picture I can say "Damn, I look good!"

This is good, and I think feelings like these are a constant, uplifting reminder that although I still have some weight to lose, I feel better about myself than I ever have before and when those icky voices come, to push them away and focus on progress.

Speaking of progress, I did not have much this past week. The boyfriend's family dinner and then a potluck pushed me over the edge this week and altogether I went into -35 points. Yes, -35. Oy vey. That's about the worst I've ever done. But it's a new week and I feel better. I wrote out a meal plan and it's totally working. I had my afternoon snack and it was just like "Okay, I had my ONE snack and now I am done until dinner time." I think the more structure I can create, the better.

Yesterday I went and played in the pool with my friend Sara, it was really fun and did not hurt my leg and made me feel winded, which is a feeling I have not had in so long! It was great, right after I signed up for three swimming lessons at the Y! It's a totally different environment for me, so I think it will be a really exciting change. Today after work I have the nordic walking workshop, which will be held indoors and I am expecting that it will be kind of funny and lame. I did hear that it is really good for people with injuries and that it boosts the physical benefits of walking. I am going to be like these folks in no time.


I tried out Wii fit for the first time and really enjoyed it. A lot of my injuries have to do with balance and a lack thereof and I am wondering if Wii fit would be a good way to work on it, in addition to many other methods. Does that seem naive? Would you recommend the purchase of a wii?

Malaisy

Blarg! I have used up all my extra points. I have one left. Poop. And this is even after upping it. I know it's a work in progress, but it's hard not to get discouraged and I don't have the cushion of activity points that I had before. I would usually get around 15 of those a week. Poop, poop, poop. And now that it's too late, I'm like "That's okay, I'm not really hungry! I take it back! I want to lose weight!" but it's too late and I can't retroactively knock that second beer from my hand or take the crutons from those salads, or those few potato chips, or having a whole english muffin with cream cheese instead of a half. I can name all the exact points where I ate things and it wasn't worth it, it was just to eat. If I had done those moments over I would have saved myself 14 points and feel confident about where I am for the week, but I guess this is the mindset that I need to get back into, that I've failed to get back into. That there are consequences and I have to be held accountable for everything I put in my mouth. Okay, enough of being a negative nelly. Here are the things I did right.

1. I tracked everything, every single day, for the first time in months.
2. I drank all of my water. Lemon wedges are the secret I tell you.
3. It's Friday, and although I am close to going over, I have not. Usually I would have by now.
4. I added more vegetables to all of my meals.
5. I cooked some food for the whole week - Tempeh Stuffed Red Peppers- which are divine.
6. I've kept my fridge stocked with fruits and vegetables.

These are all good things. Next week well be better. Tonight I am going over to Anders house for dinner, tomorrow I am going to a potluck and out to the bar. I feel weird about both of these situations and fear that I will really, really blow it.

Rats.

Thursday.

I looked at my tracking so far this week and did pretty well except for Tuesday. Woeful Tuesday. As soon as I have a couple of beers I just fall off the WW wagon and go crazy. If I am very good for the rest of the week though, I won't go over my points. That's kind of a bummer, but it's certainly much better than I have done last week, or the week before that, or the week before that. I just need to stay on track through the weekend. I think one thing that's been so challenging about this is that I don't have internet at home, so when the weekend comes, I don't track until Monday and it is really easy to lose control. So, here it is, I am going to promise myself that Saturday and Sunday I am going to go out of my way to find internet and track. Scout's honor.

I finally gave Anders the quilt! He loved it and I found myself getting all emotional when I gave it to him because I had invested so much time and energy into it. I feel really great about it. Here are some photos.








That's all for now. Tomorrow our office is having brunch at Longfellow Grill for a coworker's birthday and I am a little nervous about finding something that I can feel good about. We shall see.

Joanna is Unlovable!

I spent the entire morning reading the comics "Tammy Pierce is Unlovable" and eating a delicious breakfast and doing all of my stretches and listening to Electrelane in my sunny bedroom. It was wonderful.

I realized that one of the reasons I probably feel so hungry so often is that I have a bad habit of eating mostly the same foods for months at a time and am realizing that part of feeling satiated is providing variety and flavor, so I am really trying to mix it up. I also realized that I was eating little to no fat in my diet and am trying to increase my fat intake just a little bit, which will help me feel fuller. I think it's working. For breakfast I had:

Light Multi-Grain English Muffin 1
Light Cream Cheese 1
1 Slice Turkey 1
Tomato and Cucumber 0
1 Cup Grapes 1

It was the perfect breakfast and I still feel really satisfied. Is this boring? I just think I need to think about things like this and take it into account or else I won't pay as much attention to the foods my body needs, and then get hungry and overeat. Oh, weight loss, you are monotonous sometimes.

I have some questions for my Weight Watcher friends:
1. Do you own a scale or do you weight yourself at the Y? If you own a scale is there one you recommend?

Between 2 different scales I am somewhere between 144.6 and 141 pounds. Even if I weight myself on the same scale at the Y it seems really inconsistent at times. I think I am at 143 actually but it's hard to tell.

2. Do you have a favorite stand-by easy to make recipe?

3. What do you normally do for lunches?

4. How do you stay motivated?

5. When I get really stressed at my office I have a bad habit of grazing all day. How do you snap out of it?

These are my questions.

It's Tuesday and I'm feeling super motivated. I have to say that gaining a little weight made a big difference, I'm feeling a lot more motivated to lose then when my weight was stable.

Slow slow slow slow slow dancing.

I have today off, which is a welcome relief from what has been a very stressful couple of weeks. I had my forum Saturday, it went well, 100 people came and things ran fairly smoothly, so I'm glad that's over. I also turned in my application to the leadership institute. My desire to get in grew incrementally as I was writing my application. I would really like to go, but I'm nervous I won't get in because another staff from our office went a couple years ago, and I will also require an almost full-ride scholarship. Here's hopin'.

So I was thinking about all this weight loss stuff, and I realized that the pint where it just started to feel too hard was when my points allowance went from 22 points to 21 points. I know it's just one little point but I was shocked by how difficult the transition was. So I'm upping it to 22 and seeing if I can stay on track. I am going to a nordic walking clinic at the Y with my meltdown team, which will be fun, if not hilarious.

Monday, Monday

Well, WW update - I was so good last week except for one night of abandon. I'm really proud of myself because normally I would be worse. This week will be better. Meltdown has been a wonderful motivator and I am so glad Sara and I are on a team together because we really want to support each other through this and are more into it to get healthy then to compete. I'm glad. I feel like I have my self-control again.

Emotionally I've been very up and down, I think it has to do with it being February and the hugely stressful project I have going on at work. Right now I'm feeling pretty good.

Anders and I celebrated V-day on Friday since he worked all day Saturday. He brought me three roses and a homemade card, which was super funny and charming and sweet. Then off we went to the Sample Room where we did a wine flight and ate delicious food and joked around and talked a lot about bad men's haircuts of past and present. Then we saw the Wrestler which was incredible and I would highly recommend it. We came home and watched the V-day episode of Oprah which was pretty funny. It was perfection.

I weigh in today, feeling a little excited/nervous. Anders has already lost four pounds, I'm really proud of him. He lost 30 lbs last year, to gain it all back and is working really hard to get back to his low weight. His roommate just got a Wii fit so he has been exercising a lot. I'm excited to try it. I also made it to the Y three times last week, which I have not done in..forever.

Here is a recipe for Lentil Soup I made last night. It's really good, filling, easy. I had it for lunch with some fat free feta and a light English Muffin and it was perfection.

  Title: SPICY LENTIL SOUP
  Categories: Soups, Usenet
       Yield: 4 servings
  
       1 lb Lentils, washed
       8 c  Water
       1    Celery stalk, chopped
       1    Onion, chopped
       1    Carrot, sliced
       2 c  Diced tomatoes
       4    Garlic cloves,
            -diced (or less)
       2 t  Cayenne
       2 t  Chili powder
       1 t  Cumin
            Salt (to taste)
  
   Put all the ingredients in a pot.  Bring to a boil.  Reduce heat and cover.
   Cook for about 45 minutes or until beans are tender.  Stir occasionally;
   you will also need to add water during this 45 minutes.

Edit to the recipe!  - I add an entire bag of baby spinach to it so I can
get in more veggies.  It's perfection.

Goal setting.

So, I am going to set a goal.

I am currently at 144.4 lbs with my clothes on the scale at my parents house.

My goal is to be down to 130 by June 21st, which is my friend Brian's wedding. We will be in Cape Cod with several good friends of mine and we keep joking about how we will be wearing chinos and dock shoes and talking about how great everything is "on the cape."

It's an event I am really looking forward to and a goal which I feel is attainable. It should be noted that I am in my "healthy range" with a normal BMI and there is a pretty good chance that I will plateau, but I need to try.

Here I go.

Weekend Update

So I realize that my blogs are pretty frantic with many grammatical and spelling errors. I don't have the internet at home so typically my "blogging" consists of stream of conscious entries crammed in between tasks at work consisting of whatever worrisome thoughts are bothering me to get them out of my system so I can move on to the next task and feel a little better. However, having this system lacks any introspective nature, which I think I need to keep motivating myself.

I have been in a lurch. I feel overextended, I can't exercise, work is stressful, blah blah blah and I've been falling back into my old habits of eating to make myself feel better and a bad new habit of also drinking wine to make myself feel better. It's not productive and I'm hitting that wall where I can see I am really starting to put on some of the pounds. Seeing that photo of me was a good snap out of it kind of moment, but I woke up this morning and for the first time for a long time I said to myself "I am really going to do this". Coincidentally, I met with my friend Sara and she invited me to join her meltdown team at the Y. I know it will be a lot to juggle with volunteering at KFAI, work, friends, relationship, etc. but this is just the kick in the pants that I need. Plus, other people will also be accountable, and sadly, I am better at doing things for other people, than for myself. My birthday is coming soon and I owe it to myself to feel happy and healthy and vibrant.

I have also been so, so good about doing all of my physical therapy exercises and it's really working. So cheers to that.

Derailed!

So after seeing that picture I hopped on the train to healthy town. I made a bunch of food for the week, have said no to all sweets, and was doing pretty well with slight indulgences. Then I went to Chipotle and thought I was being healthy by getting soft shell tacos with just a little black bean, a little chicken, lettuce, corn and salsa.

I looked up the nutrition info after and it added up being 675 calories and 14 points!!! Apparently their tortillas are really bad for you. I had no idea and am now over my points for the week. I smite thee Chipotle!

Anders and I made plans to go on a walk this afternoon so I feel less remorseful about my lunch time decision. We are in it together this time and are cooking very healthy meals together and giving each other little cues to be healthier. Like we went to a birthday party and he was going to have a second piece of cake and I caught his eye and shook my head and he put it back down. We are also telling eachother what we ate that day, which I actually think is kind of fun?

Plus I forgot to take the pill one day this week and now I am getting a full scale period in the middle of the month to pay for it. Lame.

Oh and my radio piece aired and I got a lot of good feedback, which is great. I really like volunteering at KFAI. I just had to rerecord some of the narration. If you want to check it out you can find it here:

http://www.kfai.org/archive/02/4/2009

Look for the 2/4/09 news broadcast. My story is about 23 or so minutes in.

Oh, and I've been really good with my physical therapy. I'm too young to walk with a limp and not be allowed to bike. I really need to fight to get better. So, I am definitely on an upswing and hoping to keep this positivity coming.

Wahhh.

Well, first of all, with this whole weight loss thing, I think I've really needed a kick in the pants. I just haven't had a real motivator to lose anymore because I feel pretty okay with where I am at. And then I saw...the picture.

This one.



Eeeps. Let's just ignore the fact that you can totally see my bra through this shirt. My midsection is growing again and it's just enough to make me think, yikes, time to do some work. Don't get me wrong. Excited about my progress and all. But my work is not done.

Plus I just got a call from KFAI and this radio piece that I worked on all week...well...it's not working and some of the files might be missing? Which is totally believable because I don't really understand how to save these things because ProTools is kind of a confusing program? I have invested so, so much time into this little five minute piece and have told everyone to listen and now it's not working and I really loved it and I just hope it works or else I will be sad.

I know I should write about how great it was to be in DC and NYC and all that, but I feel like I am being punched in the face by my Minnesota life as revenge for my absence. I get in these phases where I get into tizzies when I shouldn't and right now I am.

STRESS

After a pretty great vacation to DC and NYC I am back in the office with mountains of work, a radio show I need to put together, a quilt I need to make, cleaning, a very low bank account, and all a handful of Longfellow residents that are driving me up the well. Yar. I know this will get better but with all the stress I keep stress eating and it is no good. It's really hard to make time for yourself when you can't help but think of all the things that need to be finished. I'm checked out.

White Out

This weather makes me want to stay inside and not do much of anything. Instead I am at work, listening to my coworkers gossip about their families and I am going to a meeting about the Xcel Substations that will be sure to bring out all the local crazies. Should be interesting. After a week of complete WW diligence, I failed, monumentally, this weekend. This is partially due to the laziness of not going to the grocery store and having nothing to eat and how good red wine and and food tastes when it is cold out and you are warm and your boyfriend just came back from Japan after two weeks and you just want to celebrate together and then go to a dance party where you have jello shots for the first time since you were 19 and there is brie and bread and good music and fun people? Oh dear. Anders and I ended up staying out until three last night and it was so fun. I really felt like something was missing the last couple weeks when he was gone and then I picked him up in my car from the airport and he pressed his cheek up to mine while I was driving and although it may have been dangerous, it was exciting to be back with my partner. He had all these great stories about Japan and now we are talking about teaching together there next year. It would be great great great.

Things feel so busy and I'm not doing a very good job prioritizing. So here is a to do list for the week.

1. Do physical therapy exercises everyday twice a day.
2. Do laundry. Lots of laundry.
3. Finish Anders' quilt. This is my first large sewing project and it's going rather well and he has no idea what he is receiving for his belated xmas gift. So excited to see his face when it's finished.
4. Put in training time at KFAI and determine whether or not I will be covering the Art Shanty Project
5. Figure out a place to stay in NYC for next week.
6. Pack for my trip to DC for the Inauguration!!! I am staying with my sister, who lives in capitol hill, and I have not seen her in two years. I can hardly wait!
7. Go grocery shopping with an actual meal plan in mind.


Busy busy busy. This is good for now. Going to a Weight Watchers Meeting on Wednesday, very excited and hoping it's what I need right now to motivate me.