Sunday, March 29, 2009


Oh dear.

I fell off the meltdown wagon. I had my final weigh out. I lost .6 lbs, which is basically a poop and it turns out I gained fat and I lost muscle. I was really hoping for better results because although I didn't necessarily eat well, I started biking, was walking more. Granted these were in small intervals, but I was hoping it would be a small improvement, but not a loss. I've been gaining a pound a month, more or less, since November and I say "Oh it's just a pound" but that's how I got to be where I was before and I don't want to be there again.

Sneaky feelings

I attribute my success last summer to exercising A LOT and I loved it and without that it's so hard to stay motivated, especially because I don't have the room for AP's. Blah blah blah. But I signed up for swimming lessons and I'm biking 15 minutes a day now which is a big improvement from 0.

So, I am going to try and make a food plan.

For tomorrow it will be:

Yogurt, cereal, fruit - 3 points or Egg white, english muffin, beans - 3
Apple for a morning snack - 1
Lunch - Turkey Sandwich with fat free mayo, sprouts, tomato and spinach - 4
String Cheese - 1
Yogurt - 1
Split Pea Soup with feta, English Muffin - 8 OR a Vegetarian Burrito which is
1 Beer - 3
Kashi Granola Bar: 2

Grand total: 23

Okay, that's my map to navigate through the day with a delicious bottle of beer included.

Here goes.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009


Things have felt so crazy and busy lately. To make a long story short - I got into the Leadership Institute with MNCN which I am so thrilled about and want to give a shout out to Nicole for helping me with the application process. I am looking forward to how much I will learn from this training and the opportunities it will provide to improve the work I am doing now and in the future.

I was on channel 9 news on Thursday night and it was kind of funny and embarrassing and cool because it was for the mural project and I think the kids that worked on it will be really excited to know that it got covered. Too bad some A-hole tagged it the day the news crew decided to come. Luckily I was able to get it down.

I've been having night terrors where I see people in my room or weird things flying around and I talked to a sleep specialist who said there is a chance I have sleep apnea or epilepsy. The third possibility he mentioned is that I am just so sleep deprived that when I do sleep it's so intense and moves into the deepest stage so quickly that it overwhelms my little brain. I think that's the most likely cause and a good reminder that I need to slow down a little bit. Literally almost every hour I've had in the past 2 weeks has been accounted for, and my brain is taking it's wrath on me for it.

WW has been okay....I was really good last week, weighed myself early, saw that I gained and went into my whole "Who cares anyway then?!?!" and was bad the rest of the weekend. This week is better, I'm trying to be strategic and plan carefully and drink water and doing the best I can. I also found an old picture of myself and it was a good little reminder of how far I've come and that I need to stay motivated. Check it!

I've never really looked at before and after pictures side by side. It's a good reminder as to why I need to stay on track. The doctors scale said I was 146.6 on the scale with regular clothes on. Still...scary. 6 lbs from my lowest weight. I don't want to be back at that bad feeling place again. I need to work now before I let all this progress slip through my fingers.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Me on the Right. Sara touching my boob. Oh yeah!

Here is a photo from Guerilla Gay Bar where a bunch of GLBTA folks get together and go to a non-gay bar and dance and have fun. This was taken Saturday night at Bar Abilene and I was wearing a really short skirt and the top is lowcut and I was wearing a crazy headband thing and I felt really good and confident and looking at this picture I can say "Damn, I look good!"

This is good, and I think feelings like these are a constant, uplifting reminder that although I still have some weight to lose, I feel better about myself than I ever have before and when those icky voices come, to push them away and focus on progress.

Speaking of progress, I did not have much this past week. The boyfriend's family dinner and then a potluck pushed me over the edge this week and altogether I went into -35 points. Yes, -35. Oy vey. That's about the worst I've ever done. But it's a new week and I feel better. I wrote out a meal plan and it's totally working. I had my afternoon snack and it was just like "Okay, I had my ONE snack and now I am done until dinner time." I think the more structure I can create, the better.

Yesterday I went and played in the pool with my friend Sara, it was really fun and did not hurt my leg and made me feel winded, which is a feeling I have not had in so long! It was great, right after I signed up for three swimming lessons at the Y! It's a totally different environment for me, so I think it will be a really exciting change. Today after work I have the nordic walking workshop, which will be held indoors and I am expecting that it will be kind of funny and lame. I did hear that it is really good for people with injuries and that it boosts the physical benefits of walking. I am going to be like these folks in no time.

I tried out Wii fit for the first time and really enjoyed it. A lot of my injuries have to do with balance and a lack thereof and I am wondering if Wii fit would be a good way to work on it, in addition to many other methods. Does that seem naive? Would you recommend the purchase of a wii?