Malaisy

Blarg! I have used up all my extra points. I have one left. Poop. And this is even after upping it. I know it's a work in progress, but it's hard not to get discouraged and I don't have the cushion of activity points that I had before. I would usually get around 15 of those a week. Poop, poop, poop. And now that it's too late, I'm like "That's okay, I'm not really hungry! I take it back! I want to lose weight!" but it's too late and I can't retroactively knock that second beer from my hand or take the crutons from those salads, or those few potato chips, or having a whole english muffin with cream cheese instead of a half. I can name all the exact points where I ate things and it wasn't worth it, it was just to eat. If I had done those moments over I would have saved myself 14 points and feel confident about where I am for the week, but I guess this is the mindset that I need to get back into, that I've failed to get back into. That there are consequences and I have to be held accountable for everything I put in my mouth. Okay, enough of being a negative nelly. Here are the things I did right.

1. I tracked everything, every single day, for the first time in months.
2. I drank all of my water. Lemon wedges are the secret I tell you.
3. It's Friday, and although I am close to going over, I have not. Usually I would have by now.
4. I added more vegetables to all of my meals.
5. I cooked some food for the whole week - Tempeh Stuffed Red Peppers- which are divine.
6. I've kept my fridge stocked with fruits and vegetables.

These are all good things. Next week well be better. Tonight I am going over to Anders house for dinner, tomorrow I am going to a potluck and out to the bar. I feel weird about both of these situations and fear that I will really, really blow it.

Rats.

Thursday.

I looked at my tracking so far this week and did pretty well except for Tuesday. Woeful Tuesday. As soon as I have a couple of beers I just fall off the WW wagon and go crazy. If I am very good for the rest of the week though, I won't go over my points. That's kind of a bummer, but it's certainly much better than I have done last week, or the week before that, or the week before that. I just need to stay on track through the weekend. I think one thing that's been so challenging about this is that I don't have internet at home, so when the weekend comes, I don't track until Monday and it is really easy to lose control. So, here it is, I am going to promise myself that Saturday and Sunday I am going to go out of my way to find internet and track. Scout's honor.

I finally gave Anders the quilt! He loved it and I found myself getting all emotional when I gave it to him because I had invested so much time and energy into it. I feel really great about it. Here are some photos.








That's all for now. Tomorrow our office is having brunch at Longfellow Grill for a coworker's birthday and I am a little nervous about finding something that I can feel good about. We shall see.

Joanna is Unlovable!

I spent the entire morning reading the comics "Tammy Pierce is Unlovable" and eating a delicious breakfast and doing all of my stretches and listening to Electrelane in my sunny bedroom. It was wonderful.

I realized that one of the reasons I probably feel so hungry so often is that I have a bad habit of eating mostly the same foods for months at a time and am realizing that part of feeling satiated is providing variety and flavor, so I am really trying to mix it up. I also realized that I was eating little to no fat in my diet and am trying to increase my fat intake just a little bit, which will help me feel fuller. I think it's working. For breakfast I had:

Light Multi-Grain English Muffin 1
Light Cream Cheese 1
1 Slice Turkey 1
Tomato and Cucumber 0
1 Cup Grapes 1

It was the perfect breakfast and I still feel really satisfied. Is this boring? I just think I need to think about things like this and take it into account or else I won't pay as much attention to the foods my body needs, and then get hungry and overeat. Oh, weight loss, you are monotonous sometimes.

I have some questions for my Weight Watcher friends:
1. Do you own a scale or do you weight yourself at the Y? If you own a scale is there one you recommend?

Between 2 different scales I am somewhere between 144.6 and 141 pounds. Even if I weight myself on the same scale at the Y it seems really inconsistent at times. I think I am at 143 actually but it's hard to tell.

2. Do you have a favorite stand-by easy to make recipe?

3. What do you normally do for lunches?

4. How do you stay motivated?

5. When I get really stressed at my office I have a bad habit of grazing all day. How do you snap out of it?

These are my questions.

It's Tuesday and I'm feeling super motivated. I have to say that gaining a little weight made a big difference, I'm feeling a lot more motivated to lose then when my weight was stable.

Slow slow slow slow slow dancing.

I have today off, which is a welcome relief from what has been a very stressful couple of weeks. I had my forum Saturday, it went well, 100 people came and things ran fairly smoothly, so I'm glad that's over. I also turned in my application to the leadership institute. My desire to get in grew incrementally as I was writing my application. I would really like to go, but I'm nervous I won't get in because another staff from our office went a couple years ago, and I will also require an almost full-ride scholarship. Here's hopin'.

So I was thinking about all this weight loss stuff, and I realized that the pint where it just started to feel too hard was when my points allowance went from 22 points to 21 points. I know it's just one little point but I was shocked by how difficult the transition was. So I'm upping it to 22 and seeing if I can stay on track. I am going to a nordic walking clinic at the Y with my meltdown team, which will be fun, if not hilarious.

Monday, Monday

Well, WW update - I was so good last week except for one night of abandon. I'm really proud of myself because normally I would be worse. This week will be better. Meltdown has been a wonderful motivator and I am so glad Sara and I are on a team together because we really want to support each other through this and are more into it to get healthy then to compete. I'm glad. I feel like I have my self-control again.

Emotionally I've been very up and down, I think it has to do with it being February and the hugely stressful project I have going on at work. Right now I'm feeling pretty good.

Anders and I celebrated V-day on Friday since he worked all day Saturday. He brought me three roses and a homemade card, which was super funny and charming and sweet. Then off we went to the Sample Room where we did a wine flight and ate delicious food and joked around and talked a lot about bad men's haircuts of past and present. Then we saw the Wrestler which was incredible and I would highly recommend it. We came home and watched the V-day episode of Oprah which was pretty funny. It was perfection.

I weigh in today, feeling a little excited/nervous. Anders has already lost four pounds, I'm really proud of him. He lost 30 lbs last year, to gain it all back and is working really hard to get back to his low weight. His roommate just got a Wii fit so he has been exercising a lot. I'm excited to try it. I also made it to the Y three times last week, which I have not done in..forever.

Here is a recipe for Lentil Soup I made last night. It's really good, filling, easy. I had it for lunch with some fat free feta and a light English Muffin and it was perfection.

  Title: SPICY LENTIL SOUP
  Categories: Soups, Usenet
       Yield: 4 servings
  
       1 lb Lentils, washed
       8 c  Water
       1    Celery stalk, chopped
       1    Onion, chopped
       1    Carrot, sliced
       2 c  Diced tomatoes
       4    Garlic cloves,
            -diced (or less)
       2 t  Cayenne
       2 t  Chili powder
       1 t  Cumin
            Salt (to taste)
  
   Put all the ingredients in a pot.  Bring to a boil.  Reduce heat and cover.
   Cook for about 45 minutes or until beans are tender.  Stir occasionally;
   you will also need to add water during this 45 minutes.

Edit to the recipe!  - I add an entire bag of baby spinach to it so I can
get in more veggies.  It's perfection.

Goal setting.

So, I am going to set a goal.

I am currently at 144.4 lbs with my clothes on the scale at my parents house.

My goal is to be down to 130 by June 21st, which is my friend Brian's wedding. We will be in Cape Cod with several good friends of mine and we keep joking about how we will be wearing chinos and dock shoes and talking about how great everything is "on the cape."

It's an event I am really looking forward to and a goal which I feel is attainable. It should be noted that I am in my "healthy range" with a normal BMI and there is a pretty good chance that I will plateau, but I need to try.

Here I go.

Weekend Update

So I realize that my blogs are pretty frantic with many grammatical and spelling errors. I don't have the internet at home so typically my "blogging" consists of stream of conscious entries crammed in between tasks at work consisting of whatever worrisome thoughts are bothering me to get them out of my system so I can move on to the next task and feel a little better. However, having this system lacks any introspective nature, which I think I need to keep motivating myself.

I have been in a lurch. I feel overextended, I can't exercise, work is stressful, blah blah blah and I've been falling back into my old habits of eating to make myself feel better and a bad new habit of also drinking wine to make myself feel better. It's not productive and I'm hitting that wall where I can see I am really starting to put on some of the pounds. Seeing that photo of me was a good snap out of it kind of moment, but I woke up this morning and for the first time for a long time I said to myself "I am really going to do this". Coincidentally, I met with my friend Sara and she invited me to join her meltdown team at the Y. I know it will be a lot to juggle with volunteering at KFAI, work, friends, relationship, etc. but this is just the kick in the pants that I need. Plus, other people will also be accountable, and sadly, I am better at doing things for other people, than for myself. My birthday is coming soon and I owe it to myself to feel happy and healthy and vibrant.

I have also been so, so good about doing all of my physical therapy exercises and it's really working. So cheers to that.

Derailed!

So after seeing that picture I hopped on the train to healthy town. I made a bunch of food for the week, have said no to all sweets, and was doing pretty well with slight indulgences. Then I went to Chipotle and thought I was being healthy by getting soft shell tacos with just a little black bean, a little chicken, lettuce, corn and salsa.

I looked up the nutrition info after and it added up being 675 calories and 14 points!!! Apparently their tortillas are really bad for you. I had no idea and am now over my points for the week. I smite thee Chipotle!

Anders and I made plans to go on a walk this afternoon so I feel less remorseful about my lunch time decision. We are in it together this time and are cooking very healthy meals together and giving each other little cues to be healthier. Like we went to a birthday party and he was going to have a second piece of cake and I caught his eye and shook my head and he put it back down. We are also telling eachother what we ate that day, which I actually think is kind of fun?

Plus I forgot to take the pill one day this week and now I am getting a full scale period in the middle of the month to pay for it. Lame.

Oh and my radio piece aired and I got a lot of good feedback, which is great. I really like volunteering at KFAI. I just had to rerecord some of the narration. If you want to check it out you can find it here:

http://www.kfai.org/archive/02/4/2009

Look for the 2/4/09 news broadcast. My story is about 23 or so minutes in.

Oh, and I've been really good with my physical therapy. I'm too young to walk with a limp and not be allowed to bike. I really need to fight to get better. So, I am definitely on an upswing and hoping to keep this positivity coming.

Wahhh.

Well, first of all, with this whole weight loss thing, I think I've really needed a kick in the pants. I just haven't had a real motivator to lose anymore because I feel pretty okay with where I am at. And then I saw...the picture.

This one.



Eeeps. Let's just ignore the fact that you can totally see my bra through this shirt. My midsection is growing again and it's just enough to make me think, yikes, time to do some work. Don't get me wrong. Excited about my progress and all. But my work is not done.

Plus I just got a call from KFAI and this radio piece that I worked on all week...well...it's not working and some of the files might be missing? Which is totally believable because I don't really understand how to save these things because ProTools is kind of a confusing program? I have invested so, so much time into this little five minute piece and have told everyone to listen and now it's not working and I really loved it and I just hope it works or else I will be sad.

I know I should write about how great it was to be in DC and NYC and all that, but I feel like I am being punched in the face by my Minnesota life as revenge for my absence. I get in these phases where I get into tizzies when I shouldn't and right now I am.