Gahhhh!

I gained a pound! Now up to 145.4. I feel really disappointed and defeated and maybe I wasn't perfect this week, maybe I tracked things at points lower than I should have, maybe I should have tried to exercise more, but man, I feel really disappointed. I came in this week breaking even points wise and even though I only exercised twice this week, the intensity was higher than usual. I thought it would be enough but I guess not.

It's been a long, long time since I've been this upset over a gain. I guess in its own way that's a good thing. I haven't wanted it this bad in a long time.

I will be 135 by March 13th, I will, I will, I will.

I came home, upset and tired. I found myself ready to overeat even though I wasn't that hungry, ready to have a full serving of yogurt when I really wanted half and in my mind was that little voice "Who cares? It's just some yogurt! I am going to eat this because I want it, it's only one point more and I WANT IT!" Then I realized that I didn't really want it and put half my yogurt back in the tub, put all the food away and am now in my room. I am proud of myself for stopping and disengaging from a pattern that I know all too well. Here's to a better week next week.

The anticipation...

I have no idea about what to expect for tomorrow. I hope I lose at least a pound, but I went totally overboard on Sunday night and was in the red by 2.5 points, but then I went to Zumba and got back in the good way.

I only worked out twice the entire week, Saturday I went cross country skiing, which was a great workout but as I mentioned before my whole body was so, so sore, and then today I did Zumba and stretched. I will say that when I overate on Sunday, it was still much better than I usually did and opted for three squares of chocolate and one bite of homemade carrot cake and said no to various large and wonderful desserts. I also only had two glasses of wine at the house and then only drank water when we hit the bar. This is good.

Goaaaaallllll!

My goal of being at 135 by March 11th may just materialize. I lost 4 lbs in my first week which is probably the largest loss I've ever had and marks an excellent beginning. With that jump start I now only need to lose 1.2 lbs per week to reach my goal. I feel like I'm back in my "game" in terms of where I need to be mentally to pull this off. Certain foods are off limits to me right now and I don't resent that fact or feel any remorse. I just know it is off limits and that is that. I realize that making goals has been a great motivator and it's providing a gentler next step for me. The last 6 months I have been thinking "I have to get to 135" and I fail. Now I think "I have to get to 142 so I can dye my hair." That feels doable. So here are my goals/rewards.

142 - Dye hair and eyebrow wax
139 - OMG shoes - Onitsuka Tigers
137 - OMG shoes - Oxfords
135 - Allowed to buy clothes again

I usually only buy one - two pairs of shoes for myself every year so this seems like a very luxurious reward, 2 pairs of shoes in (hopefully) two months. Just what I need to stay motivated. Plus I will be saving a lot of money by not allowing myself to buy a single piece of clothing until I reach goal.

I am allowing myself two much needed purchases that will bring me closer to my goal - new tennis shoes and a heart rate monitor.

PS. I went cross country skiing for the first time today. It was beautiful and fun but I fell twice and it HURTS. I will now reside to my bed and watch episodes of Parks and recreation.

Do you have any rewards planned for when you reach your weight loss milestones?

Weigh-In

I lost 4 lbs this week. That puts me at 144.4. I am going to work really, really hard this week. I would like to be at 142.4 by next week. Here's hopin'.

But I am trying to be good!

Eat, drink, and be merry

My greatest challenge in weight loss is social gatherings, drinking, and overall FUN. I know this is something that my pal Nicole has blogged about in the past and I've realized that it is probably my greatest hurdle to weight loss. For example, my boyfriend and I had talked about seeing a movie on Thursday. I agreed. My plan the entire time has been to go to my Drums Alive class at the Y and then to go to the movie after. Well I mentioned that to him and he was a little upset "I thought we could go get dinner before hand, c'mon it would be FUN!" What?! did someone say fun? I love FUN!!! I politely declined and instead I am going meet him after my class to go directly to the movie. Not as fun, but less expensive and more responsible than FUN. I have also been avoiding making any plans before 7 pm on weekdays so that I never have an excuse not to go to the gym.

Then today I got an invitation to go to a friend's pie potluck. I love pie. I really do. Eating pie definitely falls under the category of FUN, but I said no on that invitation knowing that it would be my undoing and lead to a week of being disappointed in myself and losing the momentum that I have been building.

Yup. I am trying to be good although it may not always be fun.

EDIT - We are going to get dinner before the movie after all, but we are picking a later show so I can work out and then we are going to eat at Ruby Tuesday's (2 for 1 coupon/thought it might be funny) which has a huge salad bar. FUN!

Tangerine dream.

I failed to mention that what really renewed my dedication to lose weight is my brother's wedding in March, which falls on my 26th birthday. The following is my dress.

I want to looks as good as one possibly can in this dress. I have to say the cut and style looked better on me than on the model, but the color...well...that's another story.

In the red.

Drat, I'm in the red by 1.5 points. I need to remember that this is the very best I have done in months and for going to an Indian Buffet on day one, that's pretty good. It was the vegan toffee chocolate that pushed me over the edge. I don't really regret that. That was delicious. I do regret the three tater tots, the granola bar eaten for the sake of boredom instead of hunger, that second piece of bread at my parent's birthday dinner, the pint of beer when a bottle would have been fine, the two life savers, the serving of pretzels, the one piece of sushi, the half and half the one day I decided to put it in my coffee. Those are the things I regret. Those foods that I didn't really care about, that I could have taken or left added up to be: 11.5 points, which is two servings of ice cream, 6 glasses of wine, two small pieces of pizza. Foods I feel deprived of, foods that I love because I ate things that I felt mediocre about. I have to remember that for every single thing I eat - those are less points I have to put to something I really, really love. Then again, I could have just refrained from eating any of those things and then I'd come in way under my points, a feat I have never, ever accomplished. I like to walk the line baby.

Here's to a perfectly on point week next week. It is activity packed. Tomorrow I will do strength training followed by either cardio or pilates, Thursday I will do Drums Alive (it was cancelled last week), Saturday I have plans to go Cross Country Skiing, Sunday plans to do the elliptical and weights at the Y, Monday I have improv class which is fairly physical and Tuesday is yoga.

I am so glad that my legs work again. It's a good feeling.